


All We Could Have Ever Wanted

by Wycked



Series: Paradigm Shifts [1]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-06
Updated: 2014-12-06
Packaged: 2018-02-28 09:07:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2726681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wycked/pseuds/Wycked
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Bilbo was born a girl? Her mother was Belladona Took, a woman of adventures, with a Glory Box, and what if she had left a legacy behind for her daughter, saving her from Fell Winter, and telling her that she only needed to be as proper as she wished, for she could never disappoint her parents. Meet Bells "Bilbo" Baggins, Ranger from the Shire. She often dressed like a male when she went out in the world, for that was safer than letting others believe her small form was female. But what if she really was a Ranger/Bounder? That she knew how to fight and knew the ways of the land? And what if she was always, always prepared. All her parents could have ever wanted...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter One: Fell Winter 

It was the Winter of 2911, and it was bitter cold. Bells, as she preferred to be called, was hurrying home in the snow when she heard the first howls. She barely made it in the door when the first wolf slammed against the wood, howling viscously, she barely made it inside before her mother was there, tugging her inside, and reaching for the basket of the medicine for her father. She hurried away without a word, and Bells stared out through a slit in the window as the wolf slammed itself against the boards again. Her mother had boarded up the windows as soon as the cold had hit, no arguing would stay her, and she had been right. She moved into her parent’s room, her father had been ill with the Grey sickness for some time, and both of them knew, without words, that his time had come. 

Bungo Baggins had lived a long life, and he patted the edge of his bed, and his wife moved to him, her older face creased into a sweet smile. “My love.” The words a rasp. She brought the medicine mixed with the sweet tea, and he sipped it to make her smile. “It’s time you told her.” The words gentle. His wife stared down at her calloused hands. 

Bells stood in the doorway, looking at her parents; she came forward only after long moments, and sat upon the bed when it was patted, tucking herself between her mother and father, her eyes wide. She was young, oh so young. Bungo thought. His hands reached up and he let his fingers run through the long golden curls. But it was his mother that started to speak. 

“Bella, all your life we have been here for you, but there will come a time, not far from now, where we will not be. Your father’s time approaches, as does mine. You know I will Fade without him.” The words gentle, she was shaking her head, and Belladonna took her sweet face in her old hands. 

“You must accept this daughter. There is nothing wrong with death. There is nothing to be mortally afraid of..Treat it with respect, decency. But promise me, never with indifference. You don’t know it, but I was a Bounder in my youth, the first female one.” The words soft. “It was a scandal, that over the years, quieted and was forgotten after I married your father and settled down.” The words soft. 

“Never indifference Bella, you may always be whatever you wish. That is all I can hope for you. That you are what your nature demands, nothing more, and nothing less. Never let someone treat you as less than what you are. Even if you become a Bounder, or an adventurer, or a proper lass. I have one wish for you.” The words soft. “The Glory Box has an underside, secret, there’s a place under it, a secret cellar. There you will find all that you might ever need if we pass before Fell Winter ends.” She ran her fingers over her daughter’s head, trying to calm her tears. 

“I ask only that you do me one thing my daughter.” She looked up, nodding her head. “Anything mother.” Belladona Baggins shook her head. “My Took of a daughter, you have been in dresses these past four years, trying to please your father, instead of traipsing the woods and bringing back all manners of bugs and creatures.” The words soft, fingers brushed the tears away. “Be patient, be kind. Be balanced. We love you. We will Always Love you. Nothing you could ever do would ever shame us. Don’t let them sway you from being yourself. Always be yourself Bella Took-Baggins, and never forget you have our love.” She nodded her head, and at her mother’s command, headed to the kitchen to try to make some kind of soup, her mind awhirl. 

She came back some time later with hot tea and bowls, and stilled, crushing pain escaping her chest. Her father and mother, laid in the bed, still as death, and she felt the gaping chasm in her chest open up, grief overwhelming her as she stared at the pair that could almost be slumbering, but they where too still.  
“I promise Mama.” The words pained, and whispered. 

She closed her eyes, her head bowed as the blizzard raged on, and her head bowed. She moved into the kitchen, sitting at the table, and lowered her head upon it, and bawled, feeling more alone and more cold and helpless than she had ever been before.

 

It was morning when she woke, or at least she thought it was morning. She’d heard a noise, and it was one that sent shivers of fright into her bones. A low growl from the cellar. Oh god, the wolves had gotten into the..” she dashed for the kitchen door, slamming it shut only in time to prevent the snapping of teeth, and shoved the chair in front of it. It wouldn’t hold them long, if the tell tale thump of bodies against the door was any hint. She looked around wildly, and then her gaze caught on the Glory Box, and she dove for it, shoving it open, it was empty and she fumbled with the false bottom after having dumped her mother’s wedding dress and her father’s suit out, and yanking the bottom up. There was a drop to be sure, but she heard the thumps, and the doors splintering, and she had no more than dropped down inside and yanked the top shut where it clicked shut with a snap as she fell into the darkness of her mother’s treasure trove.

There was a bottom fastening to keep her family safe, Bella realized, and she fastened it up with shaking hands. The ..The wolves where feeding, she realized with a kind of sickened horror, and she knew then that their would be no bodies to bury of her parents, and she buried her face in her hands. Collapsing into a pile on the dirt floor of the place. The wolves seemed okay to ..To ignore her, and she ..She couldn’t be thankful, but she supposed it was the last gift that her parents could give her. Her safety. Their love. She looked around the area around her, and noticed it was half again the length of the other cellar, and she only prayed that the wolves didn’t get hungry and dig to her. 

But as she looked around, she realized this was really her mother’s glory box. Their was books, against a shelf, and a bow made of some kind of wood, and ingrained as none she had ever seen, and arrows, oh bless, arrows, and a sword, and a dagger, and leather and mail armor. She looked around, spotting the bedroll, and moved over to it, and then she turned to the wall and something in the bottom of her stomach turned, as she saw the canned tins against the wall and the extra water. Her mother had been prepared. She felt her eyes close, and she moved onto the bedroll for now, curling onto it and smelling her mother’s scent, lilies on the water. Letting her tears fall silently. 

“I’ll be myself Mama. I promise.” Reiterated. She practically itched, and she realized she’d been in the dress for a couple of days, and moved to one of the many trunks. There she found soft breeches, like the boys wore, but longer, and soft boots, like the Bounders wore, and bindings for her breasts, and she started to change into them, they would be warmer at any rate. 

 

It took fifteen days, for Rescue to come, and when it did, the hobbit that had disappeared into her mother’s glory box was not the same hobbit that had entered. The wolves where fought off by the Gamgee’s, and her voice hollered, she sat up, dressed in leathers and the mail of her mothers, dagger strapped to her hip and sword as well, quiver over her back, and her mother’s travel cloak. She gathered up her mother’s things, the several precious books, and her pack, and put on the riding jacket. Then pulled the rung of wooden stairs down. Their where voices in the smiel overhead, and she waited for them to calm, before she made her way up. 

“Master Gamgee.” She called after fastening the bottom of the glory box, so that none could find her mother’s secrets. It took a bit of work that, but the box was bigger than it looked, thankfully. “In here.” There was a rustle, and then the lid was thrown open, and there was her neighbor Master Gamgee, and three of the townsfolk, including her Uncle. “Oh Bella.” The words half sobbed. She rose from the box; her blond hair was done back in a careful braid, a wild riot of golden color tamed. She went to her cousin, he looked a fright, and he paused as he saw her, but then he smiled, and she remembered at once that this was a Took Uncle, and the look on his face was almost proud as he looked at her with tears in his eyes.  
“Bella’s daughter, indeed.” The words soft. But now was the time for grieving, and they stood together in the living room as tears where shed for those who had not made it. Fell winter was over, but their had been many losses.


	2. Chapter Two: Will of a Wizard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What if Bilbo was born a girl? Her mother was Belladona Took, a woman of adventures, with a Glory Box, and what if she had left a legacy behind for her daughter, saving her from Fell Winter, and telling her that she only needed to be as proper as she wished, for she could never disappoint her parents. Meet Bells "Bilbo" Baggins, Ranger from the Shire. She often dressed like a male when she went out in the world, for that was safer than letting others believe her small form was female. But what if she really was a Ranger/Bounder? That she knew how to fight and knew the ways of the land? And what if she was always, always prepared. All her parents could have ever wanted...

Chapter Two: The Will of a Wizard

It began as you might expect, a hole in the ground, their lived a hobbit. A warm home, a good fire, and all the comforts of home, it was her day off, and she relaxed against her favorite bench. The only reason her garden looked as good as it did was because of her gardener. 

“Good morning” she paused, looking up from her pipe, slanting her eyes up, her bare feet where resting against the trunk, and she stared unimpressed at the wizard Gandalf. She knew very well who he was. 

“Good morning.” She replied in return, her eyes narrowing, he chuckled faintly. 

“I’m looking for someone to share in an Adventure.” She paused, for a moment she felt entirely her mother’s daughter, and she felt her her head raise, and a grin formed on her lips. “An adventure Gandalf?” the words held a dangerous note. “Perhaps you’d better come in for elevenses” 

“Perhaps I better…Umh…” the wizard paused. “You’re a girl?” she snorted under her breath. “Course I’m a girl, but when I’m out and about at work I don’t dress as one, the name is Belladonna Baggins, after my mother, but the locals call me Bilbo because I wear men’s clothing to work.” 

“To work my dear?” as Gandalf stepped inside.   
“Aye, I’m a Bounder Gandalf” as she went for the tea. Gandalf paused, looking at her, and she grinned. “Now don’t be like that. I enjoy it; My mother always said that I should be myself.. Now tell me more of this adventure..” 

 

Later that Night, She had went down to the Green Dragon as soon as Gandalf had left, and sent for one of the 20 people Hobbit Feasts at 9pm, and a barrel of honey-suckle-mead. If she was going to go with them she’d need to go to town anyhow, all expenses paid perhaps, but she’d due well to have some of her own coin, and a few other things as well. Several packs where sent to the door, and she moved inside carefully, moving them to the side. The lads came with the food and she guided them to her kitchen table.

Finally though, it was time to change, and she’d no more than bound her breasts and straightened her hair into a long braid behind her before sliding on the soft boots that where still a scandal even this day. A knock came to the door and she went to it, and bowed at the figure that was there. “Dwalin at your service.” She inclined her head, then bowed in return. “Bilbo Baggins, please, come in, theirs food inside.” He’d no more than gotten inside with that dwarf, and then the next one had come, an then the next. And then Gandalf was there and he was moving more chairs in, he’d hired them of course, but most of the dwarves seemed uncertain when they’d seen the feast laid out for them. “Please, go ahead and eat. There’s more in the kitchen.” She moved a chair in for herself, and as Gandalf had said thirteen. She got her hand shook, and the dwarves indeed seemed to be a merry bunch. She glanced at Gandalf as he stared at her, arching an eyebrow as she ate with them. She shook her head, for she did not trust them, and until she trusted them, she would not allow them to know she was female. Besides, she knew well enough about dwarves, who’s women where as fierce as their men, and knew that none could tell the difference unless told. It mattered not. 

The knock came at the door, and she moved to it, murmuring that she would get it. He entered her home, and paused, sneering down at her, and she was caught between indignity and rage as he called her a grocer. Thorin prowled around her, and she practically growled when he asked her what weapon. “Conkers” she snapped, “Bow, Sword, Dagger, and Throwing Knives.” The words snapped out viciously under her anger. “Bilbo is a rare breed of hobbit, Thorin, he is one of the Ranger Bounders of the Shire. Do not think him weak just because he is small.” 

Thorin turned to look at him pausing, and then nodded his head. “My apologies, Ranger Baggins.” With a default politeness, she felt her own head nodding as was customary. “Humph, No offense given.” 

Food was brought for the King, and she herself went and fetched him a mug, which she placed before him. She listened to what Gandalf had already explained to her, map and key, king and company. “I have chosen Bilbo to be your fourteenth, traveling as Ranger and Burglar for the company, he has agreed to go with us.” The words gentle.


	3. Chapter Three: Dwarf Friend, but they Don't Realize it..

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What if Bilbo was born a girl? Her mother was Belladona Took, a woman of adventures, with a Glory Box, and what if she had left a legacy behind for her daughter, saving her from Fell Winter, and telling her that she only needed to be as proper as she wished, for she could never disappoint her parents. Meet Bells "Bilbo" Baggins, Ranger from the Shire. She often dressed like a male when she went out in the world, for that was safer than letting others believe her small form was female. But what if she really was a Ranger/Bounder? That she knew how to fight and knew the ways of the land? And what if she was always, always prepared. All her parents could have ever wanted..

Thorin’s eyes dashed to the fair-haired braided male, and inclined his head. “Why?” the words impertinent as only royals could be. Their was an intensity to Thorin, Bilbo had found, that was majestic as it was bloody annoying. She took a moment, gathering her words below her as she often did when called upon the carpet for something. “Your home, it was taken from you.” the words soft, but so clear. “I cannot claim that I entirely am unaware of the feeling, if only for fifteen days Hell in Fell Winter.” Her gaze traveled to Gandalf and she saw the grief in his eyes, the same as hers, tormented. “I too, know what it is like to lose everything you hold dear, and to have what is safe and comfortable ripped away from you.” 

 

Thorin scoffed, and started to speak and she cut across him. “Don’t.” the words spoken from Gandalf, and she continued. “Think.” she spoke the words through her teeth. “That you are the only male to ever lose their everything. Too have your family decimated, to have your life torn apart in a heartbeat. Because your not. You have the chance to regain what you lost.” And then she was out the door, heaving chest and tears on her lashes that she would not give him the satisfaction of falling. She moved to her bench and her pipe in the container under it, needing a moment to gather her composure. 

Inside, quiet dwarves looked to Gandalf, who all but collapsed in his chair looking more grief bent than they’d ever seen him. 

Finally Gandalf looked up. “You Thorin Oakenshield, do not know Bilbo Baggins, nor what they have gone through.” The words held a bit of ice. “It was the winter of 2911, Fell Winter, they call it here in the Shire. For the first time in centuries, the cold was extreme, you might remember it as parts of the Blue Mountains freezing, Here, the Brandybruck River froze over, and the wolf packs of the mountains came down en masse.” The words quiet. “It was a slaughter.” The words tired, “Over two thirds of the Shire was lost” she heard the sucked in breath of the dwarves, including Thorin. “Including Bilbo’s parents. Wolves invaded his home, his parents died Thorin, both of them at once, and the wolves ate them.” The words faint. “The only reason Bilbo survived it’s said was his mother locked him into her Glory Box until help could arrive. He spent fifteen days listening to wolves in his home, and heard them feasting on his parents. Do not..” the words had a great deal of feeling behind them. “Think that he does not understand your pain. It is rather, I think, that you do not understand his, for while your people have suffered, so has his. He might have a home..and you look around it at such wonder, but did it not strike you odd that there are so many rooms in this hobbit hole?” the words fierce. “So many rooms, and only one hobbit.” The words all but hissed. “Rooms that his parents died in, with no excuse to ever escape. Do not.” Thorin had opened his mouth to protest. 

“Do not ever speak of Fell Winter again with him. Not ever. You’ve no right, any of you. One’s loss is not different than another’s, nor more hurtful simply because it was less people. Biblo..bilbo was a gentle lad, you have no idea..A…gentle hobbit, if they’re ever was one” the laugh from the wizard was bitter. “And when he came out of the glory box he was something else altogether, he learned to fight, going to learn in Bree, and he became part of the bounders, and his people Oster sized him, calling him Mad Baggins, because he would not, could not live with feeling unsafe. So you shut your mouths.” And with that the Wizard headed to the door to go speak with their burglar.

 

Thorin settled back, looking at Balin, and he two red the shame in that gaze. They had judged the lad, and found him wanting, and never even realized. Thorin let a breath escape, before he followed the wizard. “Not another word about Fell Winter, from any of us. I’ll go make apologies for us.” 

It was quiet when he stepped out, but the other dwarves quietly started gathering up the dishes and plates, cleaning wordlessly, guilty feeling and wanting to do something to help. Thorin meanwhile, stepped outside, and ducked his head. “My apologies for our thoughtless words Master Baggins. None of us had any idea that you had …” he shakes his head. “Our grief makes us think that …” 

 

Bilbo shook his head. “It’s a small matter, but ..I appreciate the apology. We should head inside, I have some things to finish getting ready and you’re probably all tired. Gandalf, your usual room is waiting for you, when you’re ready to retire. I prepared a pack for you Gandalf, with a bedroll and things because I know how you are, it’s the gray one inside the door.” 

Thorin stilled hearing that, and his head bowed a little, and he felt great shame. This man had taken them into his house, fed them, and even prepared for this journey in a single day if Gandalf was to believed, and there they had been judging him. He stepped inside with Bilbo, and he murmured. “I bought some things that I thought might help, I figured one among our number, thanks to Gandalf, was a healer, from his words, and I thought some hobbit healing things might assist. The green pack has bandages and the likes, as well as some books on healing and some salves. “Oin will appreciate that Master Baggins.” He murmured. 

“Yes well, I gathered some other things, extra oil skinned cloaks, it’s like or not to rain at some point, and not many have those either. I’ll hang them out in the morning. Now, Gandalf mentioned a contract.” 

 

“Indeed Laddie, come with me.” That was Balin, and Bilbo followed him to the dining room table, Thorin glanced back at the packs, and shame even more filled him, and he moved to the living room with the others, settling in a chair near the fireplace, which someone had started. Gandalf came in, settling across from him as Balin and Bilbo went over the contract in the other room. “This isn’t nessicary..” Bilbo murmured. “Although I would like that the Company carry a copy of my will.” Hearing the indrawn breath from Balin. “It’s required when you become part of the Rangers, to include it with everything.” Balin nodded his acceptance. He bent back over the paperwork. “This is unacceptable, I’ll be part of the night watch.” Pointing to the point in the paperwork, and Balin nodded and scratched it out. “We thought, well we’ve met a few hobbits. And..” Bilbo gave a soft chuckle. “Aye, you thought me soft as my kin.” 

He nods his head. “I’ve notified the Rangers that I’m taking leave.” Balin started to protest. “It’s my job and I had to tell them I was leaving, although not where or why.” The words firm. Balin nodded his head in understanding. “Might I ask…” 

Bilbo sighed wearily. “You may, if you don’t mind me getting a cup of hot tea and some food.” Balin grimaced, for their manners had been spectacularly bad. “Aye lad.” 

“Can you tell me what some of your duties are as a Ranger?” 

Bilbo chuckled. “Aye, I ride with the others of the Bounder Rangers in guarding the borders of the Shire from wild animals, the occasional orcs, the occasional bandit attack, we’ve had nine of those this last winter alone, and in keeping my people protected.” It was unspoken that the wild animals included wolves. 

Balin nodded his head. “I’m sorry Lad, for earlier.” Bilbo nodded his head in response. “It’s alright, you weren’t’ to know. Gandalf did mention that your taking ponies, will there be any complaint for me taking my own?” Balin paused and stared at him. 

“Wild heart is in the city stables with the rest of the Bounder’s mounts, she’s a fine mare.” He saw the look of surprise and grinned. “My mother’s mare, Tsornin, Gold heart, birthed her, Elven trained.” Balin grimaced. “Aye lad, that should be well enough. Seeing Balin’s look. “Only bounders are allowed to ride, and it’s slightly scandalous even then, from what I’ve been told of dwarves…” he hadn’t gotten the words out before the fair haired one, Ori, he thought his name was, was there. “You know Dwarves mister Baggins?” 

“Indeed, I learned from one, a Dwarf named Northir taught me blade and dagger.” He didn’t hear their pause. “In Bree. He passed on some time ago, but he was a good friend, one of the best.” The words faint. “Well, I think I’m off to bed.” Bilbo had stood, not recognizing the shock on the faces near him, and headed out of the room.

Behind him, Ori squeaked. “Did he mean Master Blade master Northir?” Balin and Ori shook themselves, and looked upon each other. “Nahh. Not possible.”


End file.
